Do What Matters: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Flexibility and Vitality

By Megan Porath, MSW Candidate

When we know what truly matters to us, we can begin shaping our lives around it through small, steady acts of commitment.

When I first stepped away from digital noise and endless distraction, I didn’t realize how much I’d been living reactively, simply responding to whatever demanded my attention rather than intentionally choosing how to spend my energy. That quiet break revealed something simple but profound: I wanted to create again. I wanted to live in a way that felt honest, grounded, and connected rather than rushed or performative.

That realization didn’t come as a single burst of clarity; it unfolded slowly, through awareness, acceptance, and then, finally, action. I began writing songs again not because I thought they’d change my life, but because they reflected some of my deeply held values: creativity, expression, truth, beauty, and connecting with others through art. This action points to the heart of this next ACT process — learning to do what matters.

Values: Knowing What Matters

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, values are the chosen qualities of how we want to live and behave. Rather than goals that you can check off, they’re what make life feel meaningful by directing you toward what you care about again and again. Think of values like a compass: you may never “arrive” at kindness, creativity, or love, but those directions guide how you walk through your days. When life gets confusing or painful, values help you find your bearings.

Examples might include connection through being present and compassionate in your relationships; growth through continuous learning, healing, or challenging yourself; authenticity through showing up as your true self, even when it’s uncomfortable; or service through contributing to something larger than yourself.

You can begin by asking yourself, “What do I want to stand for in my life?” or “How do I want to treat myself, others, and the world around me, even when things are hard?” Those answers can become your compass for meaningful living.

Committed Action: Taking Steps Toward What You Value

Once you’ve identified what matters, the next step is to act on it — not perfectly, but intentionally. Committed action in ACT means taking small, flexible, values-based steps, even when your mind tells you not to. For instance, if you value connection, you might text a friend even though you feel withdrawn. If you value creativity, you might pick up your instrument or paint brush for ten minutes, even when your inner critic says it’s pointless. If you value self-care, you might rest or stretch instead of pushing through exhaustion.

ACT reminds us that pain, doubt, and discomfort will always travel with us, but we can move forward anyway. The goal isn’t to get rid of fear or uncertainty, but to let them ride in the backseat while we keep steering toward what matters.

Today, begin by choosing one core value that feels important in your life right now, and then identify one small, realistic action you can take in the next day or two that aligns with it. When you take that step, do so with awareness, noticing what shows up internally (like thoughts, feelings, or resistance) as you follow through. It doesn’t have to reflect a dramatic change. What matters more is your direction, not your speed.

Living a Values-Guided Life

Living by your values doesn’t guarantee an easy life, but it does lead to a fuller one. When we act in alignment with what we care about, even the challenges start to feel more meaningful. We begin to suffer for something, rather than just suffer. I was amazed to find that not only did writing songs help me live out my values of creativity and self-expression, but later on also to make new and deeper connections with others who love making music as much as I do.

Each act of commitment, no matter how small, reinforces the kind of person you want to be. Over time, this is how a life takes shape: not through grand resolutions, but through a thousand quiet moments of choosing what matters most.

Doing what matters isn’t about chasing happiness — it’s about building a life that feels true. When we act from our values, we grow into the person we most want to be. The principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy remind us that when we know how to open up, stay present, and move toward what matters, we live with more freedom, not because life is easier, but because we’re finally living it fully.

Questions for Reflection

What do you value most in your life? What values do you want your life to reflect?What’s one small step you could take today that would move you toward that value?How might you remind yourself, in moments of stress or distraction, to come back to what truly matters?

References

Harris, R. (2019). ACT made simple (2nd ed.). New Harbinger Publications.