Open Up: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Flexibility and Vitality

By Megan Porath, MSW Candidate

To “open up” means learning to make space for the full range of our human experience so we can live with more freedom, authenticity, and connection.

In my first post, I shared about the years when I’d fallen out of touch with songwriting, and how I filled my days with busyness, entertainment, and distractions until I finally decided to step away from all of it for two quiet weeks. During that time, I faced a lot of feelings I’d been avoiding: loneliness, restlessness, guilt, fear. But something surprising happened when I stopped running from them. The more I allowed those feelings to exist without trying to fix or escape them, the lighter I began to feel. I didn’t have to like those emotions, but I could make room for them. That space is what allowed creativity and vitality to return.

That experience captures the heart of what Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) calls opening up: learning to stop struggling against the painful parts of life so we can make more room for meaning, growth, and love.

Acceptance: Making Space for Unwanted Experiences

It’s natural to want to get rid of pain. Our minds are wired to solve problems, and when distressing thoughts or emotions show up, the mind treats them as something to eliminate. We distract, numb, overthink, or control. We try anything to avoid feeling bad, but the truth is that the more we fight our inner experience, the more stuck we tend to feel.

ACT defines acceptance not as liking or approving of pain, but as opening up to it — allowing thoughts, feelings, and sensations to flow through us, rather than pushing them away. When we stop wasting energy on resistance, we free up energy to live according to our values.

You might think of acceptance like learning to sit in a river rather than trying to stop its current. The water keeps moving, but it doesn’t drown us. We can breathe, stay grounded, and notice that every feeling, no matter how strong, eventually changes and passes.

With strong emotions, this can be a real challenge, so sometimes it helps to begin with things like minor irritations first. The next time you feel a difficult emotion arise, try pausing for a moment. Try to notice where you feel it in your body, if you can – is it a tightness in the chest, a warmth in your face, or a heaviness in your stomach, or something else? When you then practice breathing into that space in your body while saying, “I’m willing to feel this,” and then not trying to fix it, you might be surprised at how much this can loosen the grip of the suffering. Practicing this simple act of willingness to feel it, of saying yes to what’s already here, can build true emotional freedom.

Self-as-Context: The Noticing Self

Another part of opening up is recognizing that you are not your thoughts or feelings, but rather the one who notices them. In ACT, this is called self-as-context, or the noticing self. This awareness is the quiet part of you that sees what’s happening inside without getting swept away by it. For example, you might notice, “I’m feeling anxious,” or “I’m having a memory of something painful,” without becoming completely lost in those experiences.

When we access this observing perspective, it becomes easier to hold our experiences gently, including the painful ones. We realize that thoughts and emotions are temporary visitors, not permanent truths about who we are. From this vantage point, we can watch sadness move through us without believing that we are sadness, or feel fear without concluding that we are fearful. There is space inside us for all of it, and beneath all the joy, grief, or confusion, there is a steady awareness always present.

Living with Openness and Courage

Opening up to our inner world takes courage. It asks us to soften our defenses and to trust that we can handle whatever shows up. But in doing so, we stop being ruled by avoidance and begin living more freely.

Every emotion, even the painful ones, points toward something we care about. Grief means love. Anxiety means importance. Sadness means longing. When we open up, we make space for all of it, and move closer to the kind of life that feels full, meaningful, and deeply human.

“When we know how to suffer, we suffer much less.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

Questions for Reflection

What emotions or thoughts do you find yourself trying to avoid or control? What might it feel like to make just a little more space for those experiences?

How does it change things when you remember that you can notice your feelings without being defined by them?

References

Harris, R. (2019). ACT made simple (2nd ed.). New Harbinger Publications.